Never let it be said that I don’t love my readers like whoa, because I do. It’s why I’m doing this gods forsaken weekly recipe. It’s good for me, it keeps me honest, it keeps me blogging, but I’m not going to lie. I’m haaaaaaaaaaating this. I picked Monday on purpose, kick start my week and all but lordess, my head is hurting like whoa. This change in barometric pressure is for the birds.
Which brings me to what we’ll be cooking, a full chicken. Now, that sounds contrary to what I’ve said, that this stuff I’m posting is not a pain in the ass to make and is a week day dinner, right? But I do roast a whole chicken on a week night. Darlings, roasting is your friend. It’s even lazier than crockpotting in my opinion. I got a whole five pound organic chicken for like $6 at my grocery store, which is a huge steal. It was dinner for Jow and I one night, lunch for Jow for the week and then I used the bones and such for stock. Cooking a whole chicken is super easy and super frugal. It can be used as a devotion to the Goddess too. You can pick a particular goddess if you like, but my lazy Reclaimist roots are showing here, you can do the heavy lifting on your own, sport. The way this ritual is set up is so that as you are infusing your chicken, when you eat it, you will be likewise infused. Usually I don’t taste it when poultry is stuffed with something, but I definitely do with this recipe.
Roasted Chicken Dinner For Goddesses and Mortals Alike
1 Whole 3-5 pound chicken completely defrosted, ideally room temperature
1/2 bunch of tyme
1 head of garlic, cut in half (NOT peeled or anything)
1 container of fresh brussel sprouts (or some other roastable vegetable, I won’t tell the kitchen police on you)
1 packet of powder chicken gravy
2 tablespoons butter
Salt and pepper to taste
1 white candle
Take three deep breaths to focus. As you are lighting the candle say, “Great Goddess please bless me with your presence here in my hearth.” Or whatever you like, again, I’m not the kitchen/Goddess police.
Preheat your oven to 425. Take your chicken out of the package and remove any plastic that’s on your chicken (holding the legs together or whatever). Now, this is where you’re going to get reeeeally close to your chicken. The cavity is located between its legs. You’re going to take off whatever jewelry you have on your hand and wrist and reach into that cavity and pull out whatever treats they’ve stuffed in there for you (probably the neck and the gizzards) and pull them out. You can do whatever you like with them, I usually toss them.
Feeling close to your chicken? Good. Now you are going to loosen the skin by the cavity so that the skin is not attached to the meat on the top of the breast and bottom of the chicken. You’re going to carefully stuff about half a teaspoon of butter in between the skin and the meat on each side without ripping the skin. I’m lazy and can never find my pastry brush, so I rub butter with my fingers all over the chicken. Use as little or as much as you want. Go crazy.
Wash your hands with soap and concentrate on making it a little hand washing purification to the Goddess. You can put a little table salt in your hands while you’re washing them to make that so.
Take your thyme and run it over the candle. Touch the thyme to your heart and say, “Great Goddess, beautifully crowned, keep my home safe and sound. Make me strong, keep me from doing what’s wrong.”
Put it inside the cavity.
Take your garlic halves and run them over the candle. Touch the garlic halves to your heart and say, “Great Goddess, shining bright, help me fight the good fight.”
Put it inside the cavity.
Take your lemon half and run them over the candle. Touch the lemon half to your heart and say, “Great Goddess above, infuse me with your love.”
Put it inside the cavity.
Say, “By the power of three times three, so I will it so mote it be.”
Put the chicken into your roasting pan. Try to tuck the wings under as best as you can. Trim your brussel sprouts and surround the chicken with them. Cook for one hour, but make sure the juices run clear. Fish out brussel sprouts. Carve in the roasting pan if possible, so you have the juices. Remove chicken pieces and carcass (with the stuffed ingredients) from the pan. Add the chicken gravy powder and about half a cup of water. Stir until not lumpy. Pour into a gravy boat. Microwave for one minute.
Put the carcass and items inside the carcass into your crock pot. Add whatever odds and ends you have in your fridge – limp parsley, old carrots that haven’t gone off yet, celery that’s lying around not doing anything, etc. No chopping is needed. Fill the crockpot with water. Cook on low until morning. Strain. Then put the stock into very small tupperware containers so that it’s easily accessible and defrostable. Freeze.
After you’re done cooking, either let the candle burn out by itself or extinguish with a candle snuffer saying, “Great Goddess, I thank you for your presence.”
Dinner is served. I made stove top stuffing to go with it because it’s super easy, you can do whatever you want.
Magical property information came from A Compendium of Herbal Magick.