[Dear Diary] A List of Confessions

posted in: dear diary | 3

Hey, remember Manic Mondays?  Remember how regular they were?  All full of glamour boards, recipes, annoyingly cloyingly cute antidotes about my life?

It turns out, when one works for an accounting office, Monday is always the busiest day.  Always.  Dealing with The Greatest Generation, phones that never stop ringing, the expectation that you can grow more arms at will to deal with everyone’s never ending neediness, the constant need for perfection but don’t forget!  It’s literally your job to appear calm and cheerful at all times with a goddamn smile pinned to your face like you are in Henry VIII’s nightmarish court throughout your entire work day.  

And . . .as you know Charmers, because I literally never shut up about it, I have my first book out this summer so there’s also that pressure we previously discussed to be like the Lead Player from Pippin, always ready to lead your charge to the next exciting event.

So let’s take a step back.  Manic Mondays aren’t really working for me because by the time I get home on a Monday, I am devoid of joy, fun and a will to live.  Also, I don’t really want to be a non stop glamour machine for the next six months.  It’s exhausting.  There will be occult discussion, oversharing and all the other things you love but what I really miss?  Is just word vomiting about my life.  Then we all get to feel less like we are drowning in a teaspoon of water because at least we are drowning together, right?

Right.

It’s not all darkness and dragons, of course.  There was Pippin with MamaFran with preshow aviation drinks.  A nearly in stone location for my book launch gala (sure, why not me) finally.  Chocolate stout ice cream with a charming boy in New Hope.  Beauty and the Beast with Jow.  Brunches at my favorite bagel place and new haunts that I like, full of maple butter and beignets.  Plotting over dinner with one of my oldest friends (who did not like my current choice for a book launch and rightly so and would not rest until she found the right one).  Small pleasures to offset the unending dreariness of lenten austerities that I foolishly made when I still had a will to live as well as hours and hours at the office and our cat Max II, who is clearly trying to kill us for reasons only known to him.

So instead of Manic Mondays, I will now do “Dear Diary” which will likely be mostly devoid of any useful occult information for you, but perhaps some daily life help.

Confessions:

  1. We need to reconfigure Spare Oom.  Again.  Which makes me want to fall into a torpor for about a century.  Tabled.
  2. We need to reconfigure our altar space.  See #1.  Tabled.
  3. I have not been to any Planned Parenthood meetings and have only done a v. nominal amount of fundraising for my chosen cause this year because I have not figured out how to get two extra hours in my day yet.
  4. I go to bed between 8:30-9:30 currently which sounds indulgent but it’s the only way I’m surviving currently with my fibro.
  5. Our house looks like it’s been overrun by garbage animals.
  6. I am not going to the gym or yoga.
  7. I have not written anything in approximately forever.
  8. I have not crafted anything for our upcoming Trenton Punk Rock show.  We’ll be there on Sunday, April 9.
  9. I have overscheduled myself completely, but it’s the only way I’m surviving.
  10. I have not eaten dinner yet
  11. I rarely help make dinner curently
  12. It is v difficult to see past tax season this year.  Harder than usual.  And I wrote a book last year during it.
  13. My tummy piercing after fifteen years decided to snap off in the middle and now I have two little horns above my tummy.
  14. I am having trouble accepting help for Max II and feel unbearably guilty about it.

So that’s all for today.  Do you have confessions you would like to share with the group?

Deborah Castellano
Deborah Castellano's book Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want is available for purchase through Amazon, Llewellyn and Barnes and Noble.

She is a frequent contributor to Occult/Pagan sources such as the Llewellyn almanacs, Witchvox, PaganSquare and Witches & Pagans magazine.  She writes about Charms, Hexes, Weeknight Dinner Recipes, Glamoury and Unsolicited Opinions on Morals and Magic here at Charmed, I'm Sure.

Deborah's book, The Arte of Glamour is available for purchase on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Her craft shop, The Mermaid & The Crow specializes in old-world style workshop from 100% local, sustainable sources featuring tempting small batch ritual oils and hand-spun hand-dyed yarn in luxe fibers and more!

In a previous life, Deborah founded the first Neo-Victorian/Steampunk convention, SalonCon which received rave reviews from con-goers and interviews from the New York Times and MTV.

She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Jow and their cat, Max II. She has a terrible reality television habit she can't shake and likes St. Germain liquor, record players and typewriters.  

Deborah is a social media dork and can be found wasting far too much time on TwitterFacebookG+Instagram and Tumblr.

3 Responses

  1. I don’t work for an accounting office but my industry has the same thing going. Constant needy, constant perfection, and you’d better be goddamned always happy. I hear you on the loss of will to live.

  2. Congratulations on finding and (fingers crossed) securing the perfect venue for you book launch! 😀 (Amazon finally let me pre-order it, at freaking last! I’m excited to read the whole thing!)

    Re: Confessions: I’m honestly glad I’m not the only one.

    If it’s any help, I do most of my fund-raising/charitable-donating using automatic withdrawals through stuff like Patreon. I’ve heard that, if you stick a link to a donation site in the signature-file of your out-going email, you can get (some) donations that way, without having to funnel limited energy into doing it once it’s set up. I mean, given your clientel, I’m kind of guessing that a link to an org that supports bodily autonomy for women, uterus-enabled people, and people who fall into both those categories… is probably not going to be a problem, and might remind folks that there are small things they can do (“we do what we can, when we can” <– a truism you might want to bear in mind, so that you don't beat yourself up when you're flaring and exhausted and have too much on your plate already) with the click of a button that can help people out. Also, I know a bunch of witchy folks who donate a percentage of their sales (tarot readings, herbal salves, you name it) to BLM or ACLU or Trans Lifeline, to their city's queer centre or the local Band Council of whoever's land they've colonized (you name it), or who add an option to their online stores where a customer can include a donation of their choice to X charity/cause/organization. I mean, do as you will (or as you Will), and that might mean tabling this for a minute while you get through tax season, but if you're looking for ways to up your nominal fundraising without having to do a shit-tonne of leg-work, those might be options. .>
    I have still not sewn the baby quilt for my niece, who was born a month and-a-half ago.

    Here’s to not drowning in this teaspoon of water.
    Good luck at the punk rock flea! 😀 <3

  3. I wish nothing but the best for you. This too shall pass, likely by some lovely spring day after April 15 when you can get all gothed up for a walk to admire the daffodils under a black parasol. In the meantime, enjoy those dinners with friends and rest up — it may feel like you’re down and out, but in reality you’re resting up before your next campaign of mischief and magic.

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